How to Live

Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. Wait a few days to decide what you really think.

Decide everything is your fault. Whoever you blame has power over you, so blame only yourself. When you blame your location, culture, race, or history, you’re abdicating your autonomy.

No choice is inherently the best. What makes something the best choice? You. You make it the best through your commitment to it. Your dedication and actions make any choice great.

When you’re stuck with something, you find what’s good about it. When you can’t change your situation, you change your attitude towards it. So remove the option to change your mind.

Once you decide something, never change your mind. It’s so much easier to decide just once.

Have no expectation of how something should be, or you won’t see how it really is.

People make bad decisions because they felt they had to decide. It would have been wiser to do nothing.

Change your need to change things. In your most peaceful moments, your mind is quiet. You’re not thinking you should be doing anything else. When everything feels perfect, you say, “I wouldn’t change a thing.” So, live your whole life in this mindset.

Don’t hope. Hope is wanting things to be different than they are. Wanting to change yourself is self-loathing. There’s no deeper happiness than wanting nothing. Desire is the opposite of peace.

People will appreciate your silence, and know that when you speak, it must be important. Shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.

When a problem is bothering you, it feels like you need to do something about it. Instead, identify what belief is really the source of your trouble. Replace that belief with one that doesn’t bother you. Then the problem is solved. Most problems are really just situations.

To be wise, shut out all media and opinions. No news, no gossip, no entertainment. Most of it is not worth knowing.

When people give opinions, add a question mark. If they say, “Immigration is bad,” change it to, “Immigration is bad?” Let the questions drift away, unanswered.

The unintelligent jump to conclusions. The wise just observe.

If an action feels necessary, and you can’t let it go, just write it down for later. Everything seems more important while you’re thinking of it. Later, you’ll realize it’s not. But if it still feels necessary, adjust your time frame. A year from now, will it be important? Ten years from now? Zoom out as far as you need to make it unimportant. Then you’re free of it.

Actions amplify through time to have a massive impact on the future. Let this fact guide your life. Use a time machine in your mind, constantly picturing your future self

Imagine your future self judging your current life choices. When making a decision, ask yourself how you’ll feel about it when you’re old.

Delay gratification. Today’s discomfort brings future rewards. When you have a clear view of the future, you won’t mind the small sacrifice.

The earlier you start, the better, since time is the multiplier.

When you’re young, time goes slowly because everything is new. When you get older, time flies by, forgotten, because you’re not having as many new experiences.

Remember them all. Document everything, or you’ll eventually forget it.

Journal every day. Write down your activities, thoughts, and feelings for future reference. Video everything. Compile and edit them, so they’re appealing to watch.

Turn your experiences into stories. A story is the remains of an experience. Make your stories entertaining, so people like to hear them. By telling good stories, your memories can last longer, because people will echo them back to you occasionally, or ask you to tell them again. Make a story for the things you want to remember. Never make a story for the things you want to forget. Let those disappear with time.

Your memories are a mix of fact and fiction. Your story about an experience overwrites your memory of the actual experience. So use this in your favor. Re-write your past. Embellish adventures. Disempower trauma. Re-write your stories into whatever works for you. Remember only what you want to remember. You have the right to reframe. Summarize a painful time into a tiny story — under a minute. Tell this belittled version a few times to make it stick. This is the version you’ll remember — stripped of pain and power.

When you make a big mistake and want to learn its lesson, deliberately amplify the pain, the deep regret, and the consequences. Keep the bad feelings vivid and visceral. Make the lesson memorable, so you won’t do it again.

Without memories, you have no sense of self. You have to remember your past to see your trajectory. You use your past to make your future.

Making memories is the most important thing you can do with your life. The more memories you create, the longer and richer your life feels.

Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it. You can only earn it through hard work. Mastery is the ultimate status.

Striving makes you happy. Pursuit is the opposite of depression.

You need to understand something very counter-intuitive about goals. Goals don’t improve your future. Goals only improve your present actions. A good goal makes you take action immediately. A bad goal doesn’t. A goal shows what’s right and wrong. What moves you towards your goal is right. What doesn’t is wrong.

Focus means head down. Big picture means head up. The more you’re doing of one, the less you’re doing of the other. If you’ve been head-down on a task for too long, lift your head up to make sure you’re going the right way. Don’t do well what you shouldn’t do at all.

You don’t get extreme results without extreme actions. If you do what most people do, you’ll get what most people get. Don’t be normal. Society’s guidelines are for the lost — not for you.

Pain is coming anyway. Don’t get a shield. Get a saddle. Tame it.

Don’t wish for good luck. Good luck makes you complacent. Practice thriving with bad luck. Bad luck makes you resourceful and strong.

People think they’ll do something later. They think they’ll have more time in the future than they do today, as if later is a magical time when everything will happen. Forget the whole notion of the future. There is only today. If you want to do something, do it now. If you don’t want to do it now, then you don’t want to do it at all, so let it go.

Most problems are not about the real present moment. They’re anxiety, worried that something bad might happen in the future. They’re trauma, remembering something bad in the past. But none of them are real. If you stop and look around the room, and ask yourself if you have any actual problems right now, the answer is probably no. Unless you’re in physical pain or danger, the problems were all in your head. Memories and imagined futures are not real. The present moment is real and safe.

Avoid religion because faith is not meant to be questioned. Tradition is the opposite of what you want. Nothing worshipped will change. Oppose convention because that’s how things were. Slavery was a convention. Human sacrifice was a convention. Denying human rights to women was a convention. Some day our current conventions will seem as wrong as these. Since you live in the future, start condemning them now.

Ignore all marketing and advertising. Nobody is pushing what really matters. Friendships, nature, family, learning, community. The best things in life aren’t things.

The world of news is noisy, because they have to hype it. They try to get you to pay attention to something that’s not actually important. They create a false sense of urgency, social status, fear, shock, or any tricks possible to manipulate your psychological triggers, and ultimately help them profit. By contrast, the truly important things are quiet. Life is incredibly peaceful when you shut out the noise.

The modern life is shallow and distracted. The timeless life is deep and focused.

You get healthy by learning healthy habits. You get wealthy by learning valuable skills. You build a great interpersonal life by learning people skills. Most misery comes from not learning these things. The biggest obstacle to learning is assuming you already know. Confidence is usually ignorance.

If you’re not embarrassed by what you thought last year, you need to learn more and faster.

Be surprised by something every day. Find that exciting moment when you get a completely new perspective. Like a movie that reveals something at the end which changes the way you think of everything you’ve seen before. If you’re not having these moments often, find new inputs.

Communicate knowledge to others to make sure you understand. Don’t quote. Put it in your own words without looking up or referencing what others said. If you can’t explain it yourself, you don’t know it.

You don’t lack direction. You have too many directions. An open mind, like an open mouth, needs to eventually close on something. Stop swerving and chasing new leaders. Stay on a single steady path.

To laugh at something is to be superior to it. Humor shows internal control.

No matter what you need to do, there’s a playful, creative way to do it. Playing gives you personal autonomy and power.

A bad situation can feel all-consuming. A laugh shows you’ve escaped. Humor puts distance between an event and yourself. Comedy is tragedy plus time. Time belittles anything by showing it’s not as bad as it seemed. Humor does that instantly.

Comedy doesn’t care what’s true, and neither should you. Whatever makes you happy is what works. Humor transcends reason.

Life is meaningless. That’s what’s funny.

Besides, it makes you very appealing. Everyone wants to be with someone who’s having more fun.

Expecting life to be wonderful is disappointing. Expecting life to be disappointing is wonderful. If you expect to be disappointed, you won’t be.

Practice being uncomfortable, even in small ways. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Skip eating for a day, or sugar for a month. Go light-weight camping for a week. Befriend discomfort so that you’ll never fear it.

Even if you prefer solitude, you have to admit that being a valuable member of a group is smarter. The best way to be safe is to help others be safe. The best way to be connected is to help others be connected. People look out for each other. But nobody helps the unhelpful. You can’t actually pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Ultimately you are lifted by those around you.

Never say, “Not my problem.” We’re all in this together. What’s good for your community is good for you. Whatever affects others affects you.

The quality of your life is tied to the quality of your community, neighborhood, and country. You can’t be healthy in a sick society.

Allow silence. Don’t fill it. Silence gives space to think, and an invitation to contribute without pressure.

Whenever you’re thinking something nice about someone, tell them. A sincere compliment can put a lot of fuel in someone’s tank. People don’t hear enough compliments.

Meet up regularly to maintain each friendship, so the connections grow stronger. Be patient with your friends, even for years at a time. Real friendship doesn’t end.

Success in business comes from helping people — bringing the most happiness to the most people. The best marketing is being considerate. The best sales approach is listening. Serve your clients’ needs, not your own. Business, when done right, is generous and focused on others. It draws you out of yourself, and puts you in service of humanity.

The most extreme version of living for others is becoming famous. Do everything in public, for the public. Share everything you do, even though it’s extra work. It’s giving yourself to the world. But being famous means you’ll never be able to reciprocate enough.

Money is nothing more than a neutral exchange of value. Making money is proof you’re adding value to people’s lives. Aiming to get rich is aiming to be useful to the world. It’s striving to do more for others. Serving more. Sharing more. Contributing more. The world rewards you for creating value. Pursue wealth because it’s moral, good, and unlimited.

The more something costs, the more people value it. By charging more, you’re actually helping them use it and appreciate it.

Be fully committed to getting rich, or it won’t happen. Adjust your self-image so that you congruently feel that you should and will be rich. If you subconsciously don’t feel you deserve it, you’ll sabotage your pursuit. But if you truly feel you deserve it, you’ll do whatever it takes. So adjust your self-image first.

Aiming to be rich makes you think bigger, which is more exciting, more fun, and less conventional since most people don’t think big.

Use other people’s ideas. Ideas are worth almost nothing. Execution is everything. The world is filled with ideas, yet so few take action and make them happen. Better to be filled with action than ideas.

Same with definitions. “I’m an introvert, so that’s why I can’t.” No. Definitions are not reasons. Definitions are just your old responses to past situations. What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response.

Are you more emotional or intellectual? Early bird or night owl? Liberal or conservative? No. Disagree with the question. You aren’t supposed to be easy to explain.

Your past is not your future. Whatever happened before has nothing at all to do with what happens next. There is no consistency. Nothing is congruent. Never believe a story.

Actively listen to people. When they’re succinct, ask them to elaborate. People aren’t used to someone being sincerely interested, so they’ll need some coaxing to continue. But never try to fix them. When someone tells you what’s broken, they want you to love the brokenness, not try to eliminate it.

Be together by choice, not necessity or dependence. Love your partner, but don’t need your partner. Need is insatiable. Need destroys love.

When most people see modern art, they think, “I could do that!” But they didn’t. That is the difference between consumer and creator.

Suspend all judgment when creating the first draft. Just get to the end. It’s better to create something bad than nothing at all. You can improve something bad. You can’t improve nothing.

Creativity is a magic coin. The more you spend, the more you have.

Separate creation and release. When you’ve finished a work, wait a while before you release it to the world. By then, you’re on to something new. The public comments won’t affect you, since they will be about your past work.

Collect ideas in a crowd. Create in silence and solitude. Like your bedroom, your work space needs to be private. This is where you dream and get naked.

Charge money to make sure your creations are going to people who really want them. People don’t value what’s free. Charge for their sake as much as yours. Charge even if you don’t need the money.

Most of eating healthy is just avoiding bad food. Most of being right is just not being wrong. To have good people in your life, just cut out the bad ones.

The more mistakes you make, the faster you learn. Once you’ve made all the mistakes in a field, you’re considered an expert.

Just keep a log. A mistake only counts as experience if you learn from it. Record what you learned, and review it. Otherwise, it was a waste.

While everyone else is nervously preparing, you jump right in, unafraid to fail.

Your growth zone is your failure zone. Both are at the edge of your limits. That’s where you find a suitable challenge. Aim for what will probably fail. If you aim for what you know you can do, you’re aiming too low.

Think of the scientific method. Someone proposes an idea, then others skeptically and rigorously try to disprove it. Use this approach on the world. Assume everything is wrong the way it is. Doubt it and attempt to change it, to prove it’s not correct.

Begin by righting what’s wrong. Look for what’s ugly: ugly systems, ugly rules, ugly traditions. Look for what bothers you. If you can fix it, do it now. Otherwise, aim lower until you find something you can do now. Make it how it should be. Don’t complain. Just make the change.

Schedule everything to ensure balance of your time and effort. Scheduling prevents procrastination, distraction, and obsession. A schedule makes you act according to the goals of your highest self, not your passing mood.