How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

Five hundred years before Christ was born, the Greek philosopher Heraclitus told his students that “everything changes except the law of change”. He said: “You cannot step in the same river twice.” The river changes every second; and so does the man who stepped in it. Life is a ceaseless change. The only certainty is today. Why mar the beauty of living today by trying to solve the problems of a future that is shrouded in ceaseless change and uncertainty—a future that no one can possibly foretell? The old Romans had a word for it. In fact, they had two words for it. Carpe diem. “Enjoy the day.” Or, “Seize the day.” Yes, seize the day, and make the most of it.

For yesterday is but a dream And tomorrow is only a vision, But today well lived makes yesterday a dream of happiness And every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day!

Why not ask yourself these questions, and write down the answers? Do I tend to put off living in the present in order to worry about the future, or to yearn for some “magical rose garden over the horizon”? Do I sometimes embitter the present by regretting things that happened in the past—that are over and done with? Do I get up in the morning determined to “Seize the day”—to get the utmost out of these twenty-four hours? Can I get more out of life by “living in day-tight compartments”? When shall I start to do this? Next week?… Tomorrow?… Today?

When we worry, our minds jump here and there and everywhere, and we lose all power of decision. However, when we force ourselves to face the worst and accept it mentally, we then eliminate all those vague imaginings and put ourselves in a position in which we are able to concentrate on our problem.

When we have accepted the worst, we have nothing more to lose. And that automatically means we have everything to gain!

Rule 2 is: If you have a worry problem, apply the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier by doing these three things— Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen?” Prepare to accept it if you have to. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.

Plato said that “the greatest mistake physicians make is that they attempt to cure the body without attempting to cure the mind; yet the mind and body are one and should not be treated separately!”

Dr. Russell L. Cecil, of the Cornell University Medical School, is a world-recognised authority on arthritis; and he has listed four of the commonest conditions that bring on arthritis: Marital shipwreck. Financial disaster and grief. Loneliness and worry. Long-cherished resentments.

I am quoting Dr. Alexis Carrel again. He said: “Those who keep the peace of their inner selves in the midst of the tumult of the modern city are immune from nervous diseases.”

Part One in a Nutshell Fundamental Facts You Should Know About Worry RULE 1: If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osier did: Live in “day-tight compartments”. Don’t stew about the future. Just live each day until bedtime. RULE 2: The next time Trouble—with a capital T-comes gunning for you and backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier: Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?” Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst if necessary. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst—which you have already mentally agreed to accept. RULE 3: Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health. “Businessmen who do not know how to fight worry die young.”

We must equip ourselves to deal with different kinds of worries by learning the three basic steps of problem analysis. The three steps are: Get the facts. Analyse the facts. Arrive at a decision and then act on that decision.

He told me that “confusion is the chief cause of worry”. He put it this way— he said: “Half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision. For example,”

“If a man will devote his time to securing facts in an impartial, objective way, his worries will usually evaporate in the light of knowledge.”

Here are two ideas that I have found helpful when trying to step aside from my problems, in order to see the facts in a clear, objective manner. 1. When trying to get the facts, I pretend that I am collecting this information not for myself, but for some other person. This helps me to take a cold, impartial view of the evidence. This helps me eliminate my emotions. 2. While trying to collect the facts about the problem that is worrying me, I sometimes pretend that I am a lawyer preparing to argue the other side of the issue. In other words, I try to get all the facts against myself—all the facts that are damaging to my wishes, all the facts I don’t like to face. Then I write down both my side of the case and the other side of the case—and I generally find that the truth lies somewhere in between these two extremities.

Merely writing the facts on a piece of paper and stating our problem clearly goes a long way toward helping us to reach a sensible decision. As Charles Kettering puts it: “A problem well stated is a problem half solved.”

So I banish about ninety per cent of my worries by taking these four steps: Writing down precisely what I am worrying about. Writing down what I can do about it. Deciding what to do. Starting immediately to carry out that decision.

William James said this: “When once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome.”

“I find that to keep thinking about our problems beyond a certain point is bound to create confusion and worry. There comes a time when any more investigation and thinking are harmful. There comes a time when we must decide and act and never look back.”

Part Two in a Nutshell Basic Techniques in Analyzing Worry RULE 1: Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that “ half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision.” RULE 2: After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision. RULE 3: Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision—and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome. RULE 4: When you, or any of your associates are tempted to worry about a problem, write out and answer the following questions: What is the problem? What is the cause of the problem? What are all possible solutions? What is the best solution?

It is difficult to worry while you are busy doing something that requires planning and thinking.

The great scientist, Pasteur, spoke of “the peace that is found in libraries and laboratories.” Why is peace found there? Because the men in libraries and laboratories are usually too absorbed in their tasks to worry about themselves. Research men rarely have nervous breakdowns. They haven’t time for such luxuries.

Why does such a simple thing as keeping busy help to drive out anxiety? Because of a law—one of the most fundamental laws ever revealed by psychology. And that law is: that it is utterly impossible for any human mind, no matter how brilliant, to think of more than one thing at any given time.

Any psychiatrist will tell you that work-keeping busy—is one of the best anesthetics ever known for sick nerves.

George Bernard Shaw was right. He summed it all up when he said: “The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.” So don’t bother to think about it! Spit on your hands and get busy. Your blood will start circulating; your mind will start ticking—and pretty soon this whole positive upsurge of life in your body will drive worry from your mind. Get busy. Keep busy. It’s the cheapest kind of medicine there is on this earth—and one of the best.

To break the worry habit before it breaks you, here is Rule 2: Let’s not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember “Life is too short to be little.”

You and I could probably eliminate nine-tenths of our worries right now if we would cease our fretting long enough to discover whether, by the law of averages, there was any real justification for our worries.

To break the worry habit before it breaks you—here is Rule 3: “Let’s examine the record.” Let’s ask ourselves: “What are the chances, according to the law of averages, that this event I am worrying about will ever occur?”

It taught him, as John Milton discovered, that “It is not miserable to be blind, it is only miserable not to be able to endure blindness.”

Am I advocating that we simply bow down to all the adversities that come our way? Not by a long shot! That is mere fatalism. As long as there is a chance that we can save a situation, let’s fight! But when common sense tells us that we are up against something that is so—and cannot be otherwise—then, in the name of our sanity, let’s not look before and after and pine for what is not.

Henry Ford told me much the same thing. “When I can’t handle events,” he said, “I let them handle themselves.”

What will happen to you and me if we resist the shocks of life instead of absorbing them? What will happen if we refuse to “bend like the willow” and insist on resisting like the oak? The answer is easy. We will set up a series of inner conflicts. We will be worried, tense, strained, and neurotic.

God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference. To break the worry habit before it breaks you, Rule 4 is: Co-operate with the inevitable.

I honestly believe that this is one of the greatest secrets to true peace of mind—a decent sense of values. And I believe we could annihilate fifty per cent of all our worries at once if we would develop a sort of private gold standard—a gold standard of what things are worth to us in terms of our lives. So, to break the worry habit before it breaks you, here is Rule 5: Whenever we are tempted to throw good money after bad in terms of human living, let’s stop and ask ourselves these three Questions: How much does this thing I am worrying about really matter to me? At what point shall I set a “stop-loss” order on this worry—and forget it? Exactly how much shall I pay for this whistle? Have I already paid more than it is worth?

There is only one way on God’s green footstool that the past can be constructive; and that is by calmly analysing our past mistakes and profiting by them—and forgetting them.

The purpose of this book is to remind you of what you already know and to kick you in the shins and inspire you to do something about applying it.

Part Three in a Nutshell How to Break The Worry Habit Before It Breaks You RULE 1: Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best therapies ever devised for curing “wibber gibbers”. RULE 2: Don’t fuss about trifles. Don’t permit little things—the mere termites of life—to ruin your happiness. RULE 3: Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: “What are the odds against this thing’s happening at all?” RULE 4: Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself “It is so; it cannot be otherwise.” RULE 5: Put a “stop-loss” order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth—and refuse to give it any more. RULE 6: Let the past bury its dead. Don’t saw sawdust.

The great philosopher who ruled the Roman Empire, Marcus Aurelius, summed it up in eight words—eight words that can determine your destiny: “Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

Montaigne, the great French philosopher, adopted these seventeen words as the motto of his life: “A man is not hurt so much by what happens, as by his opinion of what happens.” And our opinion of what happens is entirely up to us.

William James, who has never been topped in his knowledge of practical psychology, once made this observation: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”

That makes sense, doesn’t it? If you and I go around grumbling about ingratitude, who is to blame? Is it human nature—or is it our ignorance of human nature? Let’s not expect gratitude. Then, if we get some occasionally, it will come as a delightful surprise. If we don’t get it, we won’t be disturbed.

It is natural for people to forget to be grateful; so, if we go around expecting gratitude, we are headed straight for a lot of heartaches.

If we want to find happiness, let’s stop thinking about gratitude or ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving.

Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.

About ninety per cent of the things in our lives are right and about ten per cent are wrong. If we want to be happy, all we have to do is to concentrate on the ninety per cent that are right and ignore the ten per cent that are wrong. If we want to be worried and bitter and have stomach ulcers, all we have to do is to concentrate on the ten per cent that are wrong and ignore the ninety per cent that are glorious.

The tendency to “seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack” is the greatest tragedy on earth. It has probably caused more misery than all the wars and diseases in history.

“The habit of looking on the best side of every event,” said Dr. Johnson, “is worth more than a thousand pounds a year.”

Logan Pearsall Smith packed a lot of wisdom into a few words when he said: “There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.”

Charlie Chaplin got nowhere until he acted himself.

You are something new in this world. Be glad of it. Make the most of what nature gave you. In the last analysis, all art is autobiographical. You can sing only what you are. You can paint only what you are. You must be what your experiences, your environment, and your heredity have made you.

When the wise man is handed a lemon, he says: “What lesson can I learn from this misfortune? How can I improve my situation? How can I turn this lemon into a lemonade?”

The late William Bolitho, author of Twelve Against the Gods, put it like this: “The most important thing in life is not to capitalise on your gains. Any fool can do that. The really important thing is to profit from your losses. That requires intelligence; and it makes the difference between a man of sense and a fool.”

This statement was made by Alfred Adler. He used to say to his melancholia patients: “You can be cured in fourteen days if you follow this prescription. Try to think every day how you can please someone.”

Why will doing a good deed every day produce such astounding efforts on the doer? Because trying to please others will cause us to stop thinking of ourselves: the very thing that produces worry and fear and melancholia.